Blog

Falling From a High

Aug 7, 2019 | Featured, Life & Business, Personal - development | 0 comments

“Mommy, did you cry when I was born?”

Where did that question come from?  Is it because I cry at most of our family meetings?  Should I tell him the truth? Why wouldn’t I tell him the truth? 

“No.  I didn’t cry when you were born.  (Feeling guilty for some odd reason.  I expected to cry. I’d seen everyone cry after their natural births.  Where were my tears?) I was actually in shock. I was really scared I wouldn’t know how to take care of you.” 

(And mostly thinking, thank GOD that’s over…no more pushing, no more finger sticks 4 times a day, no more counting carbs and restricting my diet…) 

I flash back to what was supposed to be the best time of my life, but turned out to be the darkest time of my life.  The emotional rollercoaster was draining. I was used to a faster pace of life; running from errand to errand, checking boxes off like crazy.  

 I was shocked to realize I was moving at a sloth pace.  Getting out of the car, walking across the parking lot to the store required I sit down on a bench for a bit to gather my energy.  I leaned my head back against the wall and could barely keep one eye on my baby.  

 Once my husband went back to work, I didn’t think I could do anything by myself.  I didn’t trust myself to take care of my baby and myself. I was overcome by fear that I never left the house.  In the home, I was constantly reminded of the things I COULDN’T do. I had no energy to do them. I was sleep deprived and couldn’t satisfy the hunger in my belly.  

I can’t wash the dishes, or fold the laundry, or cook, or clean, or shower.  I can’t leave the apartment. I can’t get him to stop crying. My confidence was shattered, leaving me feeling ashamed, powerless and out of control.

At 5 weeks old, a childhood friend of mine became an innocent casualty of gang violence.  H was at the wrong place at the wrong time.  

He always greeted me with the biggest hugs.  Though we’d gone our separate ways after high school,  we’d meet up at home on college holidays and pick up where we left off.  We’d get in my car and drive around our hometown late into the night, aimlessly, just so we could catch up. 

I quickly went through all the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  Childbirth was one kind of pain I couldn’t fathom before, and now this. I’ve lost grandparents before, which was sad, but this was a totally different painful sad.  

 

Follow Wendy
On Social Media

Confessions of a Pro Fitness Competitor

I do fitness competitions because I have a hard time staying accountable to myself.  Now that I’m FORTY 😱, I can compete with 40+ year olds, instead of the young gals who don’t have kids 😂.  This process involves overhauling my lazy lifestyle. This...

Falling From a High

“Mommy, did you cry when I was born?” Where did that question come from?  Is it because I cry at most of our family meetings?  Should I tell him the truth? Why wouldn’t I tell him the truth?  “No.  I didn’t cry when you were born.  (Feeling guilty...

My Journey – April 2012

My journey...April 2012 I was disgusted with myself. My son was almost 2. I was tired, sick, carb-overloaded. I did a detox and became vegetarian. June 2014 my daughter was 1.5 yrs old and there I was again, unhappy with my body. Dreading...

Tonight I breathe in peace

Great discussion tonight after a long day in clinic, on the road, open house, and delayed bedtimes. I know I'm not the only one rudely awakened to the adjustment of going back to school, being more adjustment than expected. What a shock to the...

Powerful people

Loved being surrounded by the power of this movement; all the lives it’s changing – physically and financially….and how much faster we can impact more people just by keeping things SUPER SIMPLE and connecting. What gets me more excited than...

Comparison mode has a way of creeping up

Comparison mode has a way of creeping up without me noticing, every so often.I wanted to recognize it so I can acknowledge it and move it aside....Although I thrive on Team for accountability, momentum and excitement in so many areas of my life,...

4 years ago today

July 31, 2018 4 years ago today, I made a seemingly small decision that would change me in ways I couldn’t even fathom at the time.  2014, I was still uncomfortable in my own skin, covering myself up at the beach.  After maternity leave, my husband...

Constant comparison

Constant comparison. Negative self talk. Thinking everyone else had it together while I was falling apart. Being my worst critic. Focusing on lack. Giving up on myself, my health, my happiness, my dreams since what I was doing wasn’t working....

Being Top 5

Top 5 was on my goals list for 2017. After not placing in my Pro shows, I dug in and turned up the heat.  Was jumping for joy to make it to the top 5 list, ecstatic to place 3rd among seasoned Pros.  Success never felt so delicious.  I. AM....

Woke up this morning

Woke up this morning, checked the time on my phone. 7am....the kids wake up on the dot every morning somehow.... Saw an alert 🚨 on my phone from my business.....while I was sleeping, an additional $150 was added to my account, on top of what...

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This